This is the life...NOT

Well, I've spent the last hour or so perusing other blogs and feel completely inadequate to keep going. I want to post pics but don't know how and doubt the library has the capabilities, I'd been told before that my writings were good, but seeing all'yalls it made me question the talent. Hmmm. I don't know that this was the best thing to get involved in if I am already struggling with self-confidence issues. I tried taking the therapists advice and just go sit in public somewhere and paint or draw or write just to get used to being out in public without having a major panic attack. It worked for a little while until a friend came up to me and scared the piss out of me. I was so engrossed in this paint by numbers thing that I did not even see her come up to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Hey babe" I nearly tinkled in my pants and screamed in horror. I guess that most people know not to scare me like that, but not her...she knows now.
You heard it. I'm in therapy...For the most part I seriously doubt its working to help me get better-whenever I leave I have serious flashbacks of the abuse and have a hard time working through them without crying and running back in there to say, "MAKE THEM STOP!!"
Why are there so many more mental cases out there than there used to be? I hope no one takes offense to that comment, I certainly don't. I've been in the mental health community for more than 15 of my 28 years of life. Imagine if I had saved all that money for something that actually worked. I'd be a little bit richer, or at least in a better financial position than I am right now.
As I sit here writing, there's a man on a cell phone practically yelling that things are going to be screwed up if they don't get this one Father for his wedding in 6 weeks. On another computer is a couple...the man is rather good looking and the chic is not something to really get a second look at. Where is my good looking man...if this chic can get one, where's mine?? I think that my mom and the rest of my family would freak if they found out that there's a huge difference in what they think is good looking to what I think is good looking. It is a nice way of saying that they are complete racists and I am totally not. In fact, if they were to look at all the men that I've been with, they would have a problem with all but one of them. There was only one white guy in the mix and he was the most abusive of them all. They would rather me marry someone that is white and abusive than someone of a different race and make me the most happiest woman.
About 2 years ago, I was driving to Florida from Illinois with my gram and she actually asked me if I was a lesbian because she had not met any of my boyfriends. I was so shocked that it took me a minute to even blink. I totally do not have an issue with lesbian or gay relationships, but I am not one! I just don't think that my family needs to be involved with every boy I am with. Oh well. That's my life...ain't it da' bomb?? Kidding. C'ya.